| Fecking Liberated |
[Dec. 28th, 2008|10:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  haha winking cat | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Love is Your Love (please don't ask) | ] |
I did a great thing this weekend. I went through all of my clothes, and threw away the things that I've been hanging on to in anticipation of the day when I won't be fat anymore.
Not gonna happen.
Don't need to keep this shit.
Just ONCE, it would be nice to wake up on a day when I am not wholly preoccupied by my looks.
I'm reading a great book right now. The Killer Inside Me, by Jim Thompson. It's really helping my writing, I'd say. Have to get going on this book, but I want to finish reading this first.
Beginning to completely value what little time I have to myself. At the same time, I desperately want people to hang out with. My social life went completely down the drain this passed semester.
Ah well, that's life. This is Walgreen's.
For those who don't remember those commercials...piss off. |
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| "The Sign Said: Yoga Class for Cats. It's okay..." |
[Dec. 21st, 2008|09:26 pm] |
I'm such a burnout.
That's what I feel like right now. I'm exhausted and headache-y, and I just want to go to bed. Work was good today, but the day was way too long.
I guess I'm just bored. I'm bored with my life. Things seem to be miserable far too often anymore. Even that has become boring. Just commonplace. I don't know.
I have a 3.8 gpa right now.
That's pretty much it for good news. Still waiting on two grades, but they should be okay. Should be...
Way too tired to think. Playing around with font colors and sizes out of a sheer lack of anything interesting to think about. Somehow, I have to:
- Clean my room
- Fix mom's computer
- Eat something
- Figure out how to make more money
All before bedtime. Joyous rapture.
I'm really tired of looking like this.
Guess I can't really do anything about it right now. Too much going on. Looking at old pictures of me is just depressing.
Really have to pull myself out from under...myself? |
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| Yea |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|08:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Under the covers | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  *cough* | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Some weirdo on TV singing | ] |
Remember the crap I said about updating this more often?
You see how that's worked out.
I'm an infested ball of snot right now, so I figured it's a good a time as any to update.
Just got to interview Nickl Flynn, last week. He's an author of a few books of poetry, a memoir, and a play. I saw him on my first trip to Brooklyn, and it was all pretty amazing. A once-in-a-lifetime, opportunity, if I do say so myself.
This semester has panned out pretty well, I guess. I feel committed to being a writer, and to actually finishing something.
On that note, if anyone still reads this thing, and would like to be added to a growing list of people who will serve as "readers" throughout the process of writing my novel, let me know. I can always use the extra help.
Still feel pretty damn pathetic, but things are getting better. Isolation makes people a little crazy, I think. Finally connecting with a few people at school. Forgot how important that can be.
I'm going to go eat potato pancakes and hack up a lung. I'll try to update more often, but as you know, promises aren't always kept. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2008|10:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Father Figure," George Michael...don't even ask why | ] |
I'm doing such a typically teenaged thing right now.
I'm looking at pictures of myself from a year or two ago, and wondering how I went from looking that good to looking this bad. Some people say I look better than ever, but I think I looked better in these pictures...Tempted to post a "then and now" set of photos and ask which is better, haha. Just cut my hair again, trying to get rid of more black dye. NEVER doing this again. It looked awesome, but now I'm just sick of it.
Everytime I cut my hair, I realize the same thing: I look much better with more hair, despite what a pain in the ass my hair is.
What I really need to do is stop moping about what I looked like and focus on looking the best I can now, with damaged hair and wider hips, and whatever else is different. I can't wait to be done with this teenager thing. Just six more months until I can learn - like most people do when they exit these years (if they haven't already) - that no one gives a damn about how I look, and that I'd be much prettier if I stopped acting like I'm so ugly. That's enough for now. |
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| A Much-Needed Update |
[Mar. 6th, 2008|02:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Ground Control to Major Tom" | ] |
Crazy how things fall to the wayside sometimes...
I should probably be studying or something, but this is much more entertaining. I can't believe I haven't updated this in so long. I kept meaning to, but sometimes days just get away from you.
The way I figure it, this is as good a time as any to post an update. I've been bogged down by catch-up studying for a midterm I have tomorrow. It took me 13 hours, over the course of three days, but I finally finished typing all 26 pages of notes that I needed to review. And read a 329 page book in one day...Did I mention that?
It is now 2:08 AM. I said goodnight to my boyfriend about oh, 3 hours ago. I was so tired, but as soon as I lied down, I was wide awake. I kept telling myself "if I'm not asleep by the end of this show, I'll get up and do some homework." Yea, sure. I've barely eaten and barely slept for the last 3 days, trying to finish everything. Tomorrow I have school and then work. Yet another impossibly long day!
This semester isn't going so well. I really don't like my school much, but I don't really want to transfer. I'm not sure what it is, I'm just not feeling like I belong there. Though really, that isn't anything new...
I spent most of the day with my boyfriend, which is impossibly relaxing. Its hard to get up and go to school on Wednesday after a day with him. I'm always so busy at home, what with school work and helping mom, and whatever the hell else I do that eats up my time. At his house though, I don't do a single productive thing. I couldn't live my life like that all the time, but it is such a welcome break from my hectic life in the middle of the week.
On the way home tonight, I saw three cute little wild bunnies playing in and eating my landlord's grass. I told them "run away before you become dinner," because last spring, my landlord's wife caught one, and I SWEAR she cooked it. True story.
Ah well, that's good for now. Going to go work on the novel. Take it easy kids.
Don't remember where this came from, but its pretty sweet. |
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| A Reflection on the Last of May |
[May. 31st, 2006|05:38 pm] |
Summer has arrived, and the HHS Tangerine Belly Fat Squad is back to its old tricks. Amazing how much bubbly flesh can be squeezed most unbecomingly into teeny tiny shirts, especially when that flesh is bright orange from lots of fake tanning (Bottle-O-Melanoma, if you use the spray/liquid method, or The Human Fry-Cooker, for those of you who like having UV rays 2 inches from your ass). Ah, the wonder of youth.
In other news, two new girls have joined my driving class. Operation Piss of the Bitches is well underway, and Vikki and i shall again unleash our hellish lunacy at the Grand Finale Driving Day, which is next Wednesday. Blasting loud rock music, making strange animal noises, and talking loudly about inappropriate things is just the beginning...mwhahaha
Anyway, back to Psych homework, which is positively thrilling.
Yea, right. |
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| The Dysfunctional Spiritualist |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|03:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  woosh | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mom blabbing about mom things | ] |
33 steps toward personal growth and life fulfillment
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
9. Joan of Arc heard voices too.
10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
17. I am at one with my duality.
18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than I told you so!
23. False hope is better than no hope at all.
24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.... I'll find someone.
27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the
conspiracy is working.
29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
31. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. |
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| Fifteen Stupid Words/Phrases That I Have Laughed At |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|01:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Happy Happy Joy Joy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" The Clash | ] |
1. Decrepid
2. Scuttle
3. Nazi
4. One-Nut Nazi
5. Wet Ball of Wet
6. Oh Short One
7. I Appear To Seem
8. Senile Gobblygook
9. Stimulated Gobblygook
10. Dingbat
11. It Missed My Mouth
12. Penile Injections
13. Scamper
14. Castration, Courtesy of a Spoon
15. Make it Go
When I think of more, I'll write them down. |
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| The Feline Version of Takeout: A True Story |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|09:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lol psychotic house im in... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the dishwasher | ] |
Tonight, I had chicken for dinner, a meal that both of my cats, Buttons and Rhapsody, love very much. I had my dish sitting on a table in my living room, and I was laying on the couch, watching Evander Holyfield attempt to dance. Rhapsody, my small girl cat, was sitting at the end of the couch. Buttons, a fat lazy male cat, was laying under the dining room table, across the room from where I was sitting. The two cats stared at each other for a few minutes, and then, Rhapsody suddenly began scratching the couch. I got up to stop her (wouldn't want the upolstery ruined), turned around, and saw Buttons making off with the chicken cutlet that was to be my dinner. As mom laughed her ass off, I chased Buttons around screaming THATS MY FUCKING DINNER! HE ran all up and down the living room couches, and finally burrowed behind the garbage can in the kitchen, where he proceeded to eat the entire cutlet. Rhapsody, the demon who set the whole thing in motion, got jack shit. Such is life... |
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| A Quote I Like |
[May. 11th, 2005|05:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Cooooooool | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Wounded," Third Eye Blind | ] |
"Music is the only thing in this world, with the exception of sneezing and looking at the sunset, that takes you to a place that's above the mundane. Everything else is just bullshit." - Stephan Jenkins
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